What is micro cheating, and how does it differ from a full-blown affair?

Micro cheating involves behaviors that are inappropriate and border on infidelity, like dishonesty and secrecy, breaching a partner's trust and boundaries [1]. It's not a full-blown affair, but it can seriously damage a relationship [2]. It includes actions such as playful texting, having lunch with a work "friend" or withholding information from your partner [1, 3].

How can I tell if my partner is micro cheating, and what behaviors should I look out for?

Micro cheating can be subtle, but some signs include: refusing to show you their phone, meeting with people from their past, liking suggestive posts on social media, acting like they are single when they are not, using secret messaging apps, sending suggestive pictures to people of the opposite sex, spending time with a "crush," neglecting the relationship and saving your contact under a fake name [4].

If I suspect my partner is micro cheating, how can I address the situation without escalating the conflict?

It's important to approach the situation with empathy and try to understand why your partner engaged in such behaviors [5]. Avoid pointing fingers or becoming defensive [5]. Instead, **be transparent**, initiate an open discussion, and create a plan to rebuild the relationship [5].

Can a relationship recover from micro cheating, and what steps are necessary for redemption?

Yes, relationships can recover from micro cheating, but it requires time and effort [5]. There are no shortcuts, and it is essential to stay faithful and to ensure such behaviors do not happen again [5, 6]. It involves being transparent, openly communicating and working together to repair the breach of trust [5].

If I am interested in finding a partner for marriage and I suspect that my partner is micro cheating on me, how can this affect my long term plans of finding a life partner from another country?

Micro cheating can be a sign of dishonesty and a breach of trust that is a major obstacle to a successful marriage [1, 7]. It also indicates a lack of respect and could indicate that the partner does not value the relationship or is not serious about committing to marriage [7]. Building a strong marriage with someone who is being dishonest with you could be problematic, so this should be addressed in a serious way [5, 7].

Micro Cheating Is Still Cheating

Is your partner micro cheating on you? Not sure? Try asking if you can borrow their phone and see how they react.

Have you ever “accidentally” liked a thirst trap photo from Instagram? Well, it doesn’t matter. What your partner doesn’t know won’t hurt them, right?

You might think to yourself that it’s not cheating. It’s not like you were hitting on that person. Plus, you just sat there, stumbled upon the photo, and happened to have “misclicked” the like button.

It might seem trivial—silly even—to think that micro cheating can hurt a relationship. Since you’re not having a full-blown affair, you casually brush it off.

What you fail to realize is that you’re digging your own grave.

What is micro cheating?

It isn’t really cheating per se, but you are awfully crossing the line. You manifest traits, such as dishonesty and secrecy, while being in a committed relationship—breaching your partner’s trust and boundaries.

Simply put, it is an inappropriate way of engaging in certain interactions closely related to infidelity with people outside the relationship, whether in a playful exchange of text or having lunch with a “friend” from work.

Even withholding relevant information from your partner can induce betrayal and strain your relationship.

Who micro cheats in a relationship, and how can you tell?

Contrary to popular belief, it’s not just men who act this way. Women are also known to play with their relationships, having secret non-sexual affairs that border on infidelity. However, it’s often men who are caught dabbling in micro cheating.

That said, it can be, at times, very subtle and hard to spot. But you can tell by looking out for the following uncharacteristic behaviors and reflecting on your partner’s intentions.

Refusing to open their phones when they are near you
Often meeting with people that they have a history with
Liking or commenting on sexual social media posts
Being a flirt while suggesting they’re single
Reacting to Instagram stories of people they find attractive
Using the secret messaging feature of social media platforms
Sending suggestive pictures (no nudity) to close friends of the opposite sex
Hanging out with their crush
Neglecting the relationship
Putting your contact name as “Pizza Hut” (or any name) on their phone

Getting out on a technicality

People who micro cheat will never admit that they are cheating. They will always justify their actions because “technically” nothing happened. And when their backs are against the wall, they will deny the issue, flip the story, or concoct some elaborate lie.

They disregard the hurt they intentionally or unintentionally caused, never realizing how their actions impact their partner’s feelings. Thus, they breach the trust in the relationship.

Maintaining the relationship and what to do

Although maintaining the relationship is possible, it may take time and a lot of work.

You have to understand that there are no shortcuts on the road ahead. Take it as it is—a path to redemption. Be transparent, open up to your partner, and discuss a plan to rectify things.

Pointing fingers or getting defensive isn’t the way to go.

If you are the one being micro cheated on, be empathetic and validating. While seemingly counterintuitive, it can help you understand why your partner did what they did.

Although micro cheating can occur, that doesn’t necessarily mean your relationship is over; you just entered a rough patch.

There wouldn’t have been a problem in the first place if people would stay faithful. But people aren’t perfect. So, the best they could do is redeem themselves and promise that it won’t happen again.

That said, have you ever micro cheated or been on the receiving end?