Parasocial Relationships: Loving You When You Don’t Know Me
This does sound like a newly invented word, and we agree; rarely do you hear someone talk about “parasocial relationships,” yet this is an actual phenomenon. You, at one point, must’ve had one when you were young. Or, maybe you’re in one right now and don’t even know it.
“That’s just crazy talk.” To be fair, the only thing crazy about this is how people actually value someone else more than themselves. And it’s not just crazy fan service or idolization, it even happens in relationships—maybe aspiring relationships to be specific.
So, what’s it all about, you might ask?
Single? Taken? No, It’s Parasocial
First of all, what does “parasocial” mean? It means having an unreciprocated connection with someone you don’t know; giving love, praise, and even worship to someone who doesn’t acknowledge your existence.
It sounds harsh, we know. But you may not realize until later in life that you’ve probably unknowingly done it a couple of times before. With that, comes Parasocial Relationships. But what is a parasocial relationship you might ask? Well, let us give you an insight:
Your Biggest Fan
You might have been a fan of a musician or artist to the point where you depend on them to make you feel better or stimulate your emotions. Maybe even defended against a few haters or doubters of the artist you listen to. Or, you might have listened to them one too many times in a year. You could check your playlist to see if you’ve been listening to them a lot.
What about talk show hosts who entertain you when you feel alone? There was a guy who was so lonely he ended up having conversations with Ellen DeGeneres as if he was actually talking to her.
The younger generation of adults now have livestreams of their favorite content creators, sending them donations just to be noticed; although, hardly being noticed by them. These people gain satisfaction from forming a connection with these content creators; a connection so one-sided, that people will think of you as creepy for knowing too much about them.
Do you get the point? You’re basically admiring or showing a lot of love to someone who hardly knows you exist. The whole gist of being in parasocial relationships is that you’re giving a lot of effort to show so much admiration or profess your support to a total stranger.
Not Only Idols But Real People Too
Did you know that you can have parasocial feelings for someone who’s not an influencer or of any fame? Yes, that’s possible.
Some people have experienced being a fanatic of someone they just found on dating apps or matchmaking services. There was a case back then when a man was going through Craigslist Personals, where he found a list full of women that he’d want to date or to be in bed with (back when the Craigslist dating scene was a thing).
Although the woman he wanted to date never responded to him, he was so fixated on her and the thought of being intimate with her. So, every day, he would reply to her post telling her how his day was, share the going-ons in his life, and how much he wanted to see her—to a point in time after 2 weeks, she actually replied.
The woman was so astounded by what had happened, that she removed her listing and made sure the guy had no way of contacting her ever again. Naturally, the guy was in shambles. He thought she’d appreciate what he had sent. As it turns out, she was creeped out and frightened.
It Might Seem Harmless, But It’s Not
The story mentioned was an example of why parasocial relationships can get dangerous. “But he didn’t make an advance. They didn’t even meet in person.” Well, that may be true, but that is the most common behavior we’d see that develops into fanaticism. Some people take things a little too far and it becomes a potential danger.
Why do you think high-profile celebrities and public figures have bodyguards or security? Can you guess? It’s because the super fans have fixated their lives into believing that those celebrities or influential figures have created a connection with them.
There’s a difference between being a big supporter or a person who enjoys something versus a person who dedicates themselves to diving deeper into another person’s livelihood. For example:
Stalkers
Stalkers are the kind of people who are in a parasocial relationship with the person they’re stalking. They become so invested in someone else’s life, or they can’t get enough of what they’ve seen from that person. To a point where they would step over that person’s boundaries and space.
They would go through a celebrity or influencer’s deep history of what their family is like, identify where they’re living, and try to predict where they’ll be going to next—anything that involves the livelihood of said celebrity.
Could we consider the paparazzi as stalkers? Maybe. They tend to give a reason for the fans to create a parasocial relationship with the celebrities and influencers. Hollywood journalists are a different breed of stalkers, but at least they wouldn’t jump over a hedge and give them a surprise hug (Maybe, but we wouldn’t know for sure).
Stans
Stans are a mixture of stalkers and fans into one. They're like the hardcore fanatics, except, they have stalker tendencies. These days, stans are just a label for super fans and nothing more. But back in the early 2000s, stans are more unpredictable and would find ways to meet their idols.
A great example to refer to would be Eminem’s song “Stan.” Even if you’re not a fan of his music, you might want to read the lyrics of that song. It talks about how parasocial a super fan named Stan is. He writes letters to Eminem saying all the kinds of things he wishes to happen; creating a huge obsession with the rapper, with the lines:
“Dear Slim, I wrote you, but you still ain't callin'
I left my cell, my pager, and my home phone at the bottom
I sent two letters back in autumn, you must not've got 'em
There prob'ly was a problem at the post office or somethin'
Sometimes I scribble addresses too sloppy when I jot 'em”
A Balance of Reality and Fantasy
We get it. People are amazing, but you don’t need to be so obsessed with them. You’re only creating a false sense of reality, thinking you matter to them, when in the end, you’re only hurting yourself by creating delusions.
It’s nice to admire someone for their work or advocacy, but people need to understand that they’re humans, too. They have boundaries and can feel emotions when you invade their personal space..
The same goes for the people who are on dating apps. Just because they indicate so much of your likeness, doesn’t mean you should expect them to like you back.
So, what can you do instead of setting unrealistic parasocial relationships with people you barely know? Try matchmaking, of course! With platforms like Medellin Singles, you can't go wrong with a genuine relationship with a real woman you can get to know better.
Leave parasocial relationships in the past and turn over a new leaf by pursuing real women who are genuinely interested in finding love, just as much as you. With a matchmaking service provider, you can expect privacy, verified profiles, security, and a much larger dating pool.
Unlike parasocial relationships that are unrealistic at best, Medellin Singles offers marriage-oriented matches that align with your intentions. Learn more about how international matchmaking works.