How Do You Know You’re In Love with Someone?
Falling in love is a tale as old as time. You meet a person, sparks fly, and you start thinking about a potential future with that someone.
As butterflies rush in, you’re sure you’re falling for someone — or are you?
Even if we have strong feelings for someone, we can’t decipher whether it’s genuine love or mere infatuation. If looks can be deceiving, so can emotions. Just because you’re interested in someone doesn’t mean you’re head over heels for them.
How do you know if you’re in love with someone? We’ll share the telltale signs to help you sort your feelings out.
The Look of Love
Before we give the signs, we ask this question: what does a person look like when they’re in love? The truth is, the look of love isn’t always the same. People express their feelings differently, and being in love isn’t linear.
Types of Love
According to the ancient Greeks, love comes in eight types. This section gives an overview of each one, so you may identify which one aligns with your feelings.
Eros (Romantic Love)
This first type is named after Eros — the Greek god of fertility and love. But here is an interesting fact: did you know ancient Greeks were quite scared of it? Their reasoning: they found it too powerful because of man’s instinct to procreate.
Going by its name, this love is passionate and physical. And because of those qualities, many people associate being in love with this type. As fiery as eros is, however, it can also burn out quickly. This makes sense, as passion can only sustain love for so long.
Ludus (Playful Love)
Do you see love like it’s a fun game that you want to win? That’s what ludus feels like.
This type of love is all about enjoying the moment. You can best see this in couples in the honeymoon phases of their relationships. Just like eros, ludus induces euphoric feelings. The difference is that it doesn’t contain the intensity (especially the physical kind) the former has.
Mania (Obsessive Love)
If eros and ludus had an imbalanced mix, mania would be the turbulent result. This type borders on obsession, driving people into jealous fits. If left unchecked, this can lead someone to destructive madness.
Philautia (Self-Love)
How do you know if you’re in love with someone? We can’t tell unless we start loving ourselves.
Philautia focuses on that.
Many of us struggle to love ourselves because we fear becoming selfish and narcissistic. But think of it this way: self-love isn’t and shouldn’t be toxic. You owe yourself compassion and kindness, which boosts your self-esteem. This positive surge can help you build better relationships with others.
Storge (Familiar Love)
This love naturally happens in parent-child relationships, with siblings, and with best friends. Unlike the previous types, storge relies on familiarity and dependency rather than chosen mutual feelings.
We don’t choose to express storge. It’s a hardwired feeling that comes naturally to us.
Philia (Affectionate Love)
Mutual understanding and goodness are the core of this love. The best example of this is deep friendships.
Plato says that philia is the best type of love because of its dependable and trustworthy nature. If you want an ancient Greek alternative to platonic love, this one is your closest bet.
Pragma (Enduring Love)
If eros flames out quickly, this next type endures. Pragma goes beyond physical needs and focuses on compatibility and steadiness.
Partners who’ve been together for years and continue to hold hands paint a great picture of pragma. If you ever find someone ready to endure the good, bad, and ugly, don’t let them out of your sight.
Agape (Selfless Love)
Ancient Greeks consider this last type the most radical because people rarely sustain it. They may have a point: as human as we are, we can’t always be altruistic.
Agape embodies selfless and unconditional love. It doesn’t pick any situation to express itself. One famous example of such love is the Passion of Christ, in which Jesus sacrificed Himself for humankind’s salvation.
You can fall in love without the euphoric intensity. Others can also have their platonic love for someone turn into a romantic one within 24 hours. Even if all eight types of love seem outdated, one thing remains true: everyone handles love and relationships differently. How you do that is your choice.
How to Know You’re Falling in Love
Often times you just feel it. You simply know. But there are also times we want to deny our feelings for someone, especially when they aren’t our ideal person. But sometimes, what the heart wants is very different from what the mind wants.
To be sure, here are some signs you’re falling in love:
(Nervous) optimism
The thought of spending time with a specific someone perks you up. Reading your conversations is enough to make you feel giddy.
Despite the positive feelings, you also can’t help but feel nervous! Since you can’t predict the future, anxiety creeps in. Dating expert Maria Sullivan gives a good explanation. “Lots of people compare love to something they could not lose or let them pass by,” she says.
They’re always on your mind
According to anthropologist Helen Fisher, people in love spend, on average, over 85% of their day thinking about the object of their affection. If your desired person remains stuck in your brain, your feelings may be headed somewhere deeper.
Life feels new and exciting
How do you know if you’re in love with someone? Look at your mood. Do you have a renewed zest for life now that someone may be by your side? That may be your perceptions shifting. Now that another person is in the picture, previously boring things suddenly seem exciting.
Signs You’re Not Really in Love
Do you want to know if your feelings are just fleeting ones? Watch out for these signs:
No communication, no problem
If you don’t feel upset about them not replying to your messages, your feelings may not be as strong as you think. Maybe you’re not significant enough for each other?
You’re relieved when they’re not around
Let’s say a date backed out of an event where you listed them as your plus-one, and you don’t feel too bad about it. Is that a warning? All signs point to yes. Life coach Gayle Johns-Carter explains why:
“When you can’t seem to find time to be with them and start to feel peaceful about not spending time together, things have started to take a turn for the worse in your heart.”
Perhaps it’s time to break things off?
How do you know you love someone? We hope the signs we mentioned will give you some clarity in answering that question.
