How to Start Over in a Relationship? 7 Tips That Work

Starting over in a relationship is a long process.

There are a lot of contributing factors as to why relationships fail or get stuck in a rut. If you become complacent and don’t pay much attention, the next thing you know you start hearing those classic lines like,

“I need space.’’

“It’s not you, it’s me.’’

Not knowing how to start over in a relationship will eventually lead to a breakup.

Think about it. Your partner is moving out or staying away from you for reasons that don’t make sense at all. Scenarios like this are rooted in lack of communication, lies, or worse, cheating.

Then again, we all make mistakes. The same goes for you and your partner.

At some point we find ourselves making that one mistake that becomes the turning point in our relationship or life in general. Knowing this fact calls for forgiveness, and forgiveness doesn’t always come by easily.

Whether you’re on the brink of giving up or having a major fallout, the following tips can help you start working things out with your partner.

How to Start Over in a Relationship with Your Partner

Both of you should be willing to fight.

When starting over in a relationship, you need to determine if your partner is on the same page. Send a clear and direct message regarding your intentions, and be bold enough to ask whether your partner feels the same way.

You don’t want to talk about the main issue at this point since there will be a right moment for that. You can have an initial talk or send them a text message saying you are willing to fight for your relationship, and that you may need a short time out.

Also, don’t hesitate to ask your partner if they feel the same way.

If this isn’t possible in your case, it’s either you’re not ready to face your partner or your emotions are too hard to process. Either way, give it time. Just make sure it won’t get to a point where things will be too hard to salvage.
Reflect on your own imperfections and shortcomings.

While it’s easy for us to notice how our partner fell short, sometimes you also have to reflect on yourself.

What could be the possible factors that caused the argument or breakup? Were you not giving enough time and effort to the relationship anymore? Have you been taking things for granted? Are you not being attentive?

It’s only fair that the person who caused the misunderstanding should own up to their mistake, and acknowledging your limitations is one step closer to being open and forgiving.
Process the pain.

While you’re taking the time to reflect on yourself, try to process the pain at the same time. You might be thinking,

“Well, that sounds rather vague. How do you process pain and emotions?”

Some people will suggest journaling or talking to a friend. It depends on what works for you. Just make sure not to brush it off.

Processing your pain means facing it and being okay with your own vulnerability. Cry if you need to. Sometimes, it takes a river of tears to become wiser and stronger.
Let it out.

One way to start over in a relationship is by being honest with your feelings.

It’s best to process the pain on your own. However, at some point, you will need to let it out and let your partner know how you truly feel.

This initial talk doesn’t have to be calm. Some of your relationship problems can be intense and emotionally provoking to talk about. Either of you may lose your cool, and that’s normal.

What’s important is that you don’t put aside your feelings. Try to let them out honestly and sincerely.

Those who know how to start over in a relationship might tell you to let things die down, and that you’ll get back together at the right time.

Well, problems don’t fix themselves for you. You should be the one to take action to resolve any issues in your relationship. Open communication is one of the keys to that.
Recall your partner’s love language.

One way to start over in a relationship is by recalling your partner’s love language.

When we’ve been in a relationship for too long, we tend to forget the things that make our partner happy. Starting over in a relationship can mean relearning everything or trying new things and different approaches.

In some cases, however, you only need to recall and reminisce about a few things that have been long forgotten and buried with time.

For instance, did you use to cook meals for your partner but can’t afford to do so now for some reason? Did you use to show affection through physical contact or words of affirmation?

Starting over in a relationship is a long process. When both of you have taken the time to manage your emotions and are ready to face each other, recall your partner’s love language and use it to make up and show your sincerity.

If things work out, marriage is essentially the ultimate goal, right? Try to consistently show them the love they yearn for throughout your relationship.
Leave the past behind.

Easier said than done, yes? But just like any other life experience, we strive to move forward and leave any painful memories behind. There will be times when you remember the pain out of the blue, but know that it’s normal.

Acknowledging your partner’s efforts and changes will help you slowly build the trust and connection you lost.

Forgetting painful past experiences is not only an internal process. It can also involve external factors like moving to a new place wherein you can be in a new environment with high hopes for a fresh start.
Try couples counseling.

Couples counseling is helpful in starting over in a relationship.

If you’re into a more pragmatic approach, consider couples counseling. This is a great way for both of you to relay any hidden feelings to each other together with a counselor who will act as a mediator.

Working with a professional might cost you money, but you’ll see that it’s worth it after you observe your progress. Your counselor will help you come up with strategic and practical ways in the process of working things out.

While many relationships have been saved by couple counseling, it’s not a total guarantee to resolve all your issues.

Remember that no matter how hell-bent you are to follow the tips and advice on how to start over in a relationship, there is always a possibility that things can go wrong. This is especially true if neither of you put in enough time, energy, and effort into it.

Is It Worth Starting Over?

Before you decide whether your relationship is worth starting over, there are certain boundaries you need to enforce to save yourself from any future heartache.

Ask yourself the following questions:

Is your partner physically or sexually harassing you?
Have you been gaslighted for a long time?
Do you constantly feel invalidated that you started believing you’re the main source of the problem?
Have you been, in any way, mentally or emotionally abused?
Do you feel your actions or behaviors are being controlled?
Has your partner ever coerced or threatened to expose you whenever you don’t give them what they want?
Were there any occasions when you felt your personal values and beliefs were mocked or disrespected?
Is there an ongoing affair with someone?
Is there a major difference in values that you and your partner can’t compromise on? For example, having a baby, relocating overseas, etc.

If you answer yes to any of these, it’s probably best for you to take things slow. Of course, deal breakers are subjective, and they depend on how far you’re able to take them.

But limitations exist for a reason. It’s up to you to set them up or end up being miserable.

Start Over in a Relationship When You're Ready

Some people try to search for ways on how to start over in a relationship because they’re scared of not meeting people’s expectations.

They’ve probably been in a relationship for a long time and friends and family are rooting for them. They only want to save the relationship because of fear and pressure.

No one deserves to suffer in a relationship not worth saving only to put up a facade.

Others may want to save their relationship because they feel it’s too late for them to find a new partner.

Start over in a relationship when you’re truly ready or if you think it deserves a second chance.

If you’ve done your part to save it and it’s still not working out, don’t close your doors just because you feel like it’s the end for you. There are a lot of people out there who, like you, long to be loved the right way.

Whatever works for you, acknowledge your own value and be wise enough to know if someone is right for you.