Just a Phase: How Long Does a Crush Last?
Do you remember ever experiencing puppy love when you were younger? Those were our first romantic feelings. But they hardly ever lasted very long.
How long does a crush last? It always varies. You’ve probably had a crush before; a fleeting attraction to someone that lasts a few weeks but then fades away. Sometimes, they persist and last longer than a few weeks.
There are times when a crush evolves into stronger feelings. There are times when a crush becomes the catalyst for something more, for a real and happy relationship.
The search for a quality relationship isn’t always easy. It requires sacrifice and effort. How do you know if a simple crush will lead you to a long-term relationship or even marriage?
Passing Fancy or the Real Thing
But is there a difference between a passing fancy and an indicator of something stronger? And if there is, how can you distinguish between the two?
They can both feel very similar, especially before you get to know the object of your affection and even afterward. So what are the main distinctions that you can use to identify between the two?
Your Personal Perceptions Are an Indicator
Aside from how long your feelings last, one of the biggest indicators of a crush versus real feelings is how you perceive the person to whom your feelings are directed. Do you see any flaws in them? Or do you see them as this perfect being incapable of doing any kind of wrong?
If the answer to the latter question is yes, then it is likely a crush. Seeing someone as perfect and idealizing them can be indicative of shallow feelings.
However, if you can see flaws in that person and your feelings are still present and still as strong as ever, then that’s a sign that those feelings run deeper than a simple crush.
Another indicator is how quickly the feelings develop. Did your feelings come over all at once like a wave? Or did they develop slowly, like a trickle? Yes, there are instances of love at first sight and feelings that develop quickly may not be indicative of how shallow they are. Feelings that develop too quickly can also be quick to burn out.
However, if they develop more slowly and gradually over the course of time, then they’re more likely to last at least long enough for you to consider getting each other 6 month anniversary gifts.
Your Preferences Matter
What you are attracted to matters as well. Are you attracted only to their looks? Do you like them just because you think they’re pretty? Or is there something else about them that’s attractive?
Look, physical attraction is an important part of any romantic relationship. But with a crush, it’s all there is. There’s no deeper connection. There’s no real admiration for their character or their personality, just physical attraction.
As important as physical attraction is, it cannot sustain a relationship by itself. There has to be more than just that. If you find yourself liking a personality trait, then that’s a sign that your feelings are deeper than a passing fancy.
Do you like the way she carries herself? Do you think that she’s a kind person? Do you think she’s smart and/or funny? Do you share similar interests? Or do you just see her face and body?
Yes, you need to find that person hot. You have to experience physical attraction towards your partner to some extent. But you should also be attracted to their personality. There has to be more to a relationship than just finding someone’s face and/or body pleasing to look at.
Do You Care About What She Cares About?
Speaking of her interests, do you care? Sure, it’s important to have similar interests and it’s easy to care about the ones you share with her, but about the ones that are just hers? You can both like musical theater, but maybe she likes romance books and you couldn’t care less about them.
But if you find yourself wanting to learn more about her interests, then your feelings are real. You want to learn about those interests of hers because you want to be able to share them with her. You may not end up liking them, but you do find yourself a new way to spend time with and connect with her.
She’s the One and Only
When you have a crush on someone, you may find yourself also crushing on another person, like you think both the girl at your gym and the barista at your local coffee shop are both cute, then your feelings for both are crushes.
But if you start to think of only one of them, chances are that your feelings for one are significantly stronger than the other. If they are, then they’re probably the kind of feelings that could form the basis for a relationship. You can still find one of them attractive, but it’s only one of them that you’re seriously considering going out with.
Go the Distance
How far are you willing to go for her? Say that the object of your affection lives in an entirely different country. Maybe you became aware of her through social media, a vacation in said country, or one on one matchmaking. The circumstances don’t really matter. What matters is what you’re willing to do to be with her.
If you’re content to do nothing but admire her from afar, then your feelings weren’t all that strong and it’s just a little crush.
If, however, you’re not content to just admire her from afar and you actually want to be with her, then look at what you’re willing to do. If you’re just going to casually browse flights to her country, then your feelings are probably more of a crush than genuine romantic love.
However, if you’re actively looking at ways to be with her, either in her country or yours, and looking for or consulting with immigration lawyers to help you be with her, then it’s not a crush. If you’re taking concrete steps and expending resources, then your feelings are genuine.
Can a crush last for years? Sometimes. How long does it usually last? Not very long. More often than not, they disappear as quickly as they appear. But how long does love last? Sometimes, it can last a lifetime. At the outset, they can feel very similar, but they’re also very different. Think of them as different shades of the same color. There are similarities but the differences are clear if you care to look.
