How To Get Your Friends and Family Onboard With Your Foreign Wife
Every now and then, a person will get married and their family isn’t going to be totally on board with their spouse. One or more of the family members sees the new spouse as a threat to the family dynamic. The friends and family may not always be outright hostile, but you’ll definitely feel the iciness.
This can be especially prevalent when a guy marries a foreign wife. She isn’t just a new person that they have to get to know and love, she may not even speak their language and may not understand their cultural nuances.
Why They’re Not Onboard with Your New Marriage
There are plenty of reasons for the people in your life to not be supportive of your new relationship. It could be that they think you’re moving too fast or they think that you’re moving too fast. There could be a whole host of other reasons for the chasm between your bride and your social circle.
In the Mail
One reason that your friends and family might be wary of your relationship is because of how you got together. They might see the relationship as a mail order bride scenario and they may be skeptical about the arrangement altogether.
Just to be clear, whatever your opinions on getting a mail order bride, there are channels to do it that are legal and do not exploit the brides or their intended spouses. It has clear distinctions from something like human trafficking, which is a heinous crime. Unfortunately, many people tend to conflate the two.
A mail order bride has legal protections in the United States so brokers have to comply with the law. Human traffickers do not extend their victims that same courtesy.
So if anyone in your friends and family sees any shades of it in your relationship, then take time to explain the differences.
Gold Rush?
Another reason your social circle may take issue with your relationship is that they might be looking out for you. You can’t really blame them since it’s just them being protective over you.
It’s not unheard of for some beautiful foreign woman to seduce an American man, getting a green card by marrying him, bleeding his bank accounts dry, and then leaving him once she’s exhausted everything he has to offer her.
But you’re confident that your relationship isn’t going to go down that route. Make sure your social circle knows that you’re confident that your relationship is the real deal and that while you may have to support her while she gets her paperwork sorted out, you’re confident she’d do the same if the roles were reversed.
They Simply Don’t Know Her Well Enough
Yet another reason that they’re wary of your foreign wife is that they simply do not know her as a person. Your courtship likely took place over your smartphone, over email, and in foreign countries. This doesn’t give your social circle too many chances to get to know your new bride.
So what do you do about that? You simply give them the opportunity to get to know her. You can talk about her to them, but they might feel like you’re shilling a product like you’re some kind of salesman.
Instead, give her the opportunity to advocate for herself. Host a party or a dinner where your social circle will get the chance to speak to her directly and get to know her as a person. If all goes well, they’ll be as besotted with her as you are. But, more realistically, they’ll probably be only a slight shift in their opinions. So be ready to throw more than one party or host more than one party.
Not the Vibe
Then there are times when people just don’t like each other. She could be a runway model with a heart of gold and the patience of a saint. There’s no rationale behind the dislike, it’s just there. It’s not xenophobia or a lack of familiarity, sometimes a friend or family member will just dislike your partner for no reason.
They’re not protecting you. They don’t hate her for being foreign. Something in the way their brain is wired just makes them dislike her.
What can you do about this? Again, you can’t do anything. You can do everything listed above and they still won’t like your partner. Do you limit your contact with them? You can do that, but so long as they’re able to hold their tongue and keep their attitude in check, there’s no reason to.
Family Vacation
If nothing else works to get your friends and family to support your marriage, then your nuclear option is to organize a trip to her home country for your immediate social circle. Now, by showing them where she came from, they can get a peek into the life she lived before she met you. That may cause them to feel empathy towards her.
Why is this your nuclear option? Because of the cost and the logistics involved. The cost is obvious, especially if you’re volunteering to pay for everyone’s flights and accommodations. But the logistics involved can be pretty difficult. Trying to line up everyone’s schedules so everyone can get the same days off to go on the trip can be a nightmare unto itself.
The logistics can be even worse if you’re not paying for everything. Some of your social circle may not want to spend their funds or their limited time off on a trip to your wife’s home country. Don’t force the issue if they don’t, because that might cause resentment to brew.
Open Up
At the end of the day, your marriage is between you and your wife. Your friends and family may orbit it, but they’re not in it. So while you can encourage open communication between your friends/family and your partner, ultimately, you should focus on your happiness and hers.
It’s great if your friends and family like them. It’d be amazing if they do. But, at the end of the day, it’s necessary to have a happy relationship.
